


State of Love and Trust (or, The Epic Romance of Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles)

by fits_in_frames



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Future, Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2007-10-26
Updated: 2008-10-18
Packaged: 2018-01-21 01:56:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1533425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fits_in_frames/pseuds/fits_in_frames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten years after <i>Supernatural</i> ends and seven years after he stops talking to Jensen Ackles, Jared gets a phone call.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> _state of love and trust, as i_  
>  _busted down the pretext_  
>  {pearl jam // state of love and trust}  
> 
> 
> These are 2 chapters of what was supposed to be an 8-chapter epic. It will probably never be finished. Apologies.

To say Jared's had a long day is far and away an understatement. There was the press conference in the morning, the picking up of a certain slightly out-of-control daughter from summer school at one, the looking after of said daughter, the cooking of dinner (okay, really just heating up), the attempt to review ten scripts in between. But Tracy won't be home until 6:30, so he takes Mary to dance class. He tells the other dads when he gets there that tonight is not a good night to talk to him about football, and buries himself in the shortest script he has for the entire forty-five minute class. At the end, after he blinks the reading-tears out of his eyes, he scoops up his little Mary-girl into his arms (she's almost too big for it, but not quite) and carries her, balanced on his hip, to his car, and straps her in the backseat. She falls asleep on the way home, thumb in her mouth, and he's very careful not to wake her when he picks her up and carries her inside. He's sure Tracy's going to make a fuss that he didn't take her thumb out of her mouth, but he knows it will wake her up if he does, and he doesn't feel like reading a bedtime story tonight. Though he will if he has to.

But Tracy either doesn't notice or doesn't care, she only whispers, "Is she sleeping?"

"Yeah," Jared whispers back, and kisses his wife in greeting.

"Guess what," she says with a little glint in her eye, standing on her tiptoes so her mouth is by his.

"What," he says back, gently shifting Mary's weight on his shoulder.

She bites her lip and lunges forward when she breathes, "I'm pregnant."

Jared's jaw drops, and he lets out a relieved _ha_ and kisses her again, though their giant smiles make it difficult. "Really? I mean, you went to the doctor's and everything?"

"Yep," she says, resting her hands on his stomach, "I was going to tell you I took the test last night, but after last time, I wanted to be sure first."

"Well," Jared says, grinning, "I'm going to put our other baby to bed and then we can celebrate."

"Okay," Tracy says, and lets him go by her to the stairs.

He changes Mary into her pajamas (she only stirs once, to rub her nose) and tucks her in, kisses her forehead gently and turns out the light. And then he bounds down the stairs, two at a time, to find Tracy setting out champagne glasses.

"Baby, you know you can't have champagne," he teases, even though he can see the label on the bottle of sparkling cider from here.

Tracy sticks her tongue out at him and pours them each a glass. He sits on the other side of the island and raises his glass by the stem. "To us," he says. "All four of us." He leans over and kisses her as they clink glasses, and then sips at the cider. Tracy turns to put the bottle on the counter.

"Oh," she says suddenly, between sips, "I forgot to tell you. Jensen called."

Jared almost drops his glass as he sets it down. "What?"

"Jensen. You know, best man at our wedding, punched you out, ex-best friend Jensen?" Something about the tone of her voice makes Jared's knees feel funny.

"Yeah, I know who Jensen is. What did he want?"

"He wanted to know if you were free tonight. He's in town, apparently."

"What did you tell him?"

"That you were taking Mary to dance class and you'd be home at 7:30 and you'd call him."

"Great, thanks, Trace." He scrubs a hand over his face. The last thing he wants to do tonight--especially after the one really good thing to happen to him all day has just happened--is call Jensen Ackles, but he'll be damned if he's going to turn Tracy into a liar. He takes a deep breath. "You have a number?"

"Yeah," she says, and holds out a scrap of paper with a phone number on it. It's a Denver area code. "He sounds good," she says, and downs the rest of her cider.

Jared goes over to the phone and dials the number. It rings six times, then goes to voicemail ( _hi, this is Jensen, leave a message_ , some people never change). He waits for the tone, then says, "Hey, Jensen, it's uh, it's Jared. Tracy gave me your message. I'm home, so give me a call. Talk to you, uh, soon." He hangs up and turns around and not five seconds later, the phone rings.

"It's probably him," Tracy says, pouring herself more cider.

Jared picks up the phone and wearily says, "Hello?"

"Hey," says the voice on the other end, which sounds like dried leaves and repressed memories, and Jared knows right away that it's Jensen.

"Hey," he says back, and then neither of them says anything. He listens to Jensen's breathing, husky and mouthy, for a few long seconds before he clears his throat and says, "You called me."

"Yeah," Jensen says, and Jared can almost see him shaking his head and rubbing his eye. "Yeah, I'm, uh, I'm in San Diego for the weekend and uh, wanted to know if you were up for a drink or something."

"Yeah, yeah, I'd be up for that, sure," Jared says, and it's like someone else is moving his mouth for him. All the cold, hard feelings he'd had prior to picking up the phone are completely gone, and replaced with something far warmer and fuzzier. He can't really explain it, and he's glad he doesn't have to.

"You're at the same address, right? The one on Mary's birth announcement?"

"Yeah." Jared pauses for just a beat. "You kept that?"

"No, Jared, I copied it down. I'm not that crazy."

Jared doesn't quite believe him, but he feels slightly stupid anyway. "Oh, right."

"I can be there in twenty minutes."

"Okay, I'll see you then."

"See you soon."

He hangs up the phone, and Tracy raises an eyebrow at him. "You're going out, I take it?"

"Yeah," he says. "You don't mind, do you?"

"No, not at all." She smiles at him over the rim of her glass.

"Okay," he says, and sits down at the island again, finishes his cider. The coldness is creeping back into the middle of his chest. It's going to be a long night.

*

He lets Tracy answer the door, because he doesn't want to. She greets Jensen, and only when he hears Jensen step inside the house and say, "Where's Jared?" does he get up.

Jensen is standing in the little hallway-foyer-thing between the kitchen and the staircase. He's got an on-purpose beard. He's wearing a baseball cap and ripped jeans and a tattered old shirt that Jared remembers from The Show. He's put on some weight, around his middle and in his face. The shadows of the overhead light make the lines under his eyes pop out, though that might also be because he's smiling, but his eyes themselves look duller than he remembers. Otherwise, he looks more or less the same as the last time Jared saw him, seven years ago. Something ignites in the pit of his stomach, something old and practically forgotten, and it thaws out the lump in his throat.

"Hey," Jensen says.

Jared swallows. "Hey."

"You look good, man," Jensen says, tapping his hat on his leg.

"Yeah, you too." He can't help but smile a little.

"Well," Tracy says from behind Jensen, "I hope you boys have fun."

"Yeah," Jensen says without looking away from Jared. "We will, don't worry." And he smirks.

Jared pushes past him and grabs his keys off the bottom of the railing of the staircase. He kisses Tracy as they make their way towards the door. "Don't wait up," he says into her mouth, and she nods and waves goodbye when he follows Jensen out the door.

"So," Jensen says, clapping his hands together as they walk towards the car. "Where to?"

"There's a place up the street. They have good beer." Jared suddenly feels very small, and he's strangely okay with that.

"Okay, place up the street it is. I have a rental, if you don't mind the questionable smell."

Jared gives a half-hearted laugh. "Yeah, okay."

They get in the sedan Jensen's rented (which smells a little like wet dog and a lot like the cigarette stubbed out in the ashtray between them) and apparently the radio is stuck on that annoying station that Tracy listens to when she cleans on the weekends and Jared has to change back to the sports station every Monday. But crappy music he remembers from high school is better than no music at all, and he doesn't really feel like talking beyond giving directions, so he doesn't mention it. They pull up to the bar, and Jared recognizes a handful of cars in the parking lot. The dads from dance class are probably still here; they have a habit of dropping off their little girls at home and congregating here every Thursday night. Jared has joined them a few times, enough to be considered a regular attendee, but he said he wasn't coming tonight.

They walk into the bar, and everyone turns around and cheers when they see Jared. Yep, it's all the Dance Dads. He smiles awkwardly, and Jensen stops in his tracks for a second.

"Do you..." Jensen starts.

"Yeah, I do," Jared says. "It's a long story." He ignores the fact that Jensen never finished his question.

"Hey, Jared!" one of the guys--Gary, he thinks--says. "I thought you weren't coming out tonight!"

"Change of plans," Jared says, spreading his arms and giving a little shrug. "My friend's in town, so."

"Ah," Gary says, waits a few seconds, then gestures at Jensen. "Well?"

"Oh, uh, guys, this is Jensen, Jensen, these are the Dance Dads. Their daughters are in the same class as Mary."

"Ahhh," Jensen says, and nods.

"So this is Jensen, huh?" another guy says, standing up. Henry, Jared thinks, and he's had a little too much already.

"Yeah, this is Jensen." Jared suddenly regrets coming here, but it's too late now.

"Well, if you guys know who I am," Jensen says, stepping forward, "then I guess you know that I punched Jared on his wedding day, and that I haven't spoken to him in seven years. And, well, I'm not that guy anymore. So don't give me shit about it, okay?" Jared's forgotten how commanding Jensen's voice can be, and is more than a little grateful that he doesn't have to defend bringing the man he once told these guys he hated to the bar. The guys all back down and turn to each other and their drinks again.

"Okay," Jensen says to himself, and lets Jared lead him over to the bar. He orders a gin and tonic, and Jared gets a beer.

"So, what the hell are you doing in San Diego?" Jared asks when they both get their drinks.

"I, uh," Jensen says, lets out a short laugh. "I have a kid."

Jared almost chokes on his beer. "You have a kid?"

"Yeah." Jensen smiles as if he can't help it. "He's uh, six. His name is Jonathan. He just moved here with his mom."

"Who's his mom?"

"This woman, Tara. We're not exactly together anymore." Jensen fiddles with his glass, then takes a sip. "I met her up in Denver. We were, uh, running with the wrong crowd."

"Denver?" Jared raises an eyebrow before he remembers the area code on Jensen's phone number. He lets the question hang in the air anyway.

"Yeah, damned if I know how I ended up there," Jensen says with a weary smile. "But let's just say I basically was only sober in my sleep. And even then--phew, man, do not go to bed piss-ass drunk. It's not fun." He takes another sip of his drink.

Jared eyes him. "Should I, like, stop you?"

Jensen palms his glass and holds it up. "What, this? No, I let myself have one drink a month, it helps keep me sane. This month, I saved it for you."

"It's the beginning of the month, Jensen."

"Like I said," he says with his mouth on the rim of the glass, not looking at Jared, "I saved it for you." He takes another sip, puts his glass down, and turns to Jared. "So, what's new with you?"

"Oh, uh, nothing really," Jared says, and immediately feels stupid. It's been seven years, for Christ's sake. Jensen nods anyway. "Well, you know about Mary. She's uh, starting kindergarten next month. And, uh, Tracy opened a restaurant, it's doing really well. And I'm just the same old, same old, doing crappy horror movies and getting killed off in the first twenty minutes of big-name flicks. Worked with Spielberg for a week. That was awesome," he adds, to try and sound a little more impressive, but realizes halfway through saying it that it doesn't really matter, because this is _Jensen_ , who's seen him at his lowest of lows, when he was seriously thinking of dropping acting altogether after Sandy left him, who picked up the pieces that summer and convinced him to come back to work. It was only eleven years ago, but it seems like another lifetime. He coughs, bringing himself back to the present, and says, "And, uh, just found out Tracy's pregnant again." He doesn't mean to say it, but he does.

"Oh, congratulations, man," Jensen says with a little slap on the back. He holds out his glass and they toast. After he takes a sip, he sets his glass aside and turns to face Jared, one elbow on the bar and hands folded in front of him. The smile that was just on his face is completely gone, and something in the way he's holding his mouth makes him look very old. "Can I--can I tell you something?"

"Yeah," Jared says, "of course." The warm fuzzy things in his chest tell him not to worry, it's going to be fine.

"First off, I want to apologize for ruining your wedding. I was drunk and I didn't really mean most of what I said." It almost sounds like he's reading a script. He rubs his nose. "I understand if you're still mad at me and never forgive me, but--"

"I forgive you," Jared blurts out. He's only ninety percent sure it's true, but there it is.

"Oh," Jensen says. "Well, then I have a confession to make." He pauses, takes a gulp of his drink, and looks down at his linked hands. "When I found out I was a father two years ago, I was living in a two-room excuse for an apartment, drinking more than I was eating, and, uh, fucking everything that moved. I was a mess. But then I met my son, and he showed me that life is worth living, even if you just try to make it from hug to hug. So I sobered up and I, uh, I got a job and I moved into a better apartment, and I've been seeing a therapist. I got visitation rights with Jonathan a year ago, and I swear to God, it was the happiest day of my life. But that--that's not my confession." He takes a drink and looks over his shoulder before he continues. "I want to keep being a better man, ah, for him, and for me, and part of that is being completely honest. So this is me, um, being honest." He sits up, looks at Jared, and sighs. Nothing happens for a moment, then looks down again and says, "This is hard."

"Hey," Jared says, setting down his beer and touching Jensen's forearm. Jensen lifts his head. "It's me."

"Yeah, well, that's the problem," Jensen says, smirking sadly, watching his thumbs run over each other, slowly and deliberately, like he's trying to distract himself, or Jared, or both. " _God_ , this is hard."

"Just tell me," Jared says, trying to meet Jensen's eye line and failing. "Please?"

Jensen leans over, as if the closeness of their bodies could somehow help contain what he's about to say--and then he says it: "I'm in love with you." He pauses, probably waiting for a reaction, but when Jared doesn't give one beyond pressing his lips together, he sits up and adds, "Have been since, um, you broke up with Sandy."

Jared doesn't move. He should feel horrified, or confused, or betrayed, or angry, or something, anything other than what he's feeling right now--relief. Relief like he felt when Tracy said she'd marry him, relief like when Mary was a healthy baby, relief like when he got that deal on the Spielberg film. Pure, utter relief.

"You okay?" Jensen asks, timidly, breaking the awkward silence.

And just like that, anger creeps into him, filling in his empty parts like water. He whispers, harshly, grabbing Jensen's arm, "You think you can just come back into my life and expect me to--"

"I don't expect you to do anything," Jensen says quietly, watching his finger run along the edge of his glass. "I just needed you to know."

Jared turns to the bar, and they drink in silence for a minute, the music from the tinny radio seeping into their skin. And then, Jared is suddenly very aware that he is surrounded by people he knows. He downs the last warm dregs of his beer, pulls out his wallet. "Let's get out of here, yeah?" he says as he slaps a ten-dollar bill on the bar.

Jensen nods and practically pours his drink down his throat. His voice is small and shaky when he finally speaks. "Would you mind driving? I don't think I can right now."

"Yeah, sure," Jared says. He can hold his liquor pretty well, but he's fairly sure that Jensen's not concerned about driving drunk. Jensen digs in his pocket for the key and hands it to Jared, letting his fingertips linger a little too long on Jared's palm, and it makes something in the back of Jared's throat hurt. He swallows it and bids everyone else a good night, and they leave the bar.

"Where're you staying?" Jared asks as they get in the car. Something in the pit of his stomach twists uncomfortably and when he blinks, he sees a vague impression of his own hands coming up over someone's bare shoulders, someone who's considerably taller than Tracy, someone who's probably about Jensen's height, and it makes him not want to close his eyes again.

"The Holiday Inn. On the other side of town."

Jared nods and starts up the car.

They drive to the hotel without speaking. Jared's trying to figure out how he feels, and last time he checked, that doesn't require talking at all. Though, he's pretty sure Jensen can tell what's going on in his head, because his hands are sweaty and they keep slipping off the steering wheel and because Jensen's always been able to read him like a book. He doesn't really know what he expects to happen, but he knows that if anything is going to happen, Jensen's certainly not going to start it. Jensen almost seems surprised that Jared follows him inside the hotel.

"You don't have to walk me up, I'm a big boy," he says as Jared drops the car key back in his hand.

"And what am I supposed to do? I don't--"

"You could call a taxi," Jensen says, cutting him off.

"Jensen, just let me come up to your hotel room." And that's that.

When they get into the foyer, Jared knows the guy at the front desk--Tom something--so he says hello, his friend is visiting from out of town and they're going to have a drink up at his room. Tom nods and smiles. Jensen ignores both of them; he's very interested in the process of hooking his baseball cap onto one of his belt loops.

They take the elevator, and Jensen fumbles in his pocket for his room key when the doors open. Jared feels twenty-three again, and very alive, more so than he has in years, as he stands a little too close to Jensen as he unlocks his room. It's a bit uncomfortable, but it certainly makes it easier to pin him to the other side of the door once it's open. He presses himself into Jensen's hips and kisses him without asking, without thinking, without even breathing. Jensen's mouth is needy and hot and tastes like gin and regret. He hungrily pushes against Jared's mouth and slips a hand into Jared's back pocket as Jared snakes his hands up under Jensen's shirt, over the subtle, smooth muscles in his stomach and in his sides, until his fingertips meet and press against Jensen's spine, moving slowly, almost unconsciously downward.

Jensen pulls away, catches his breath. "Jared, what are you doing?"

"Shut up," Jared says, and kisses him again, hard. He wraps one leg around the back of Jensen's thighs, and rubs himself against Jensen, pressing their stomachs together in a slow, gentle rhythm. He breaks off from Jensen, and whispers, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," against his cheek, as Jensen's mouth moves to explore his jaw line and the underside of his chin, wet and warm, nipping at the skin just in front of his ear. It feels amazing, and he's not sure Tracy ever did this to him, but he pushes the thought out of his mind, because he's with Jensen--he's _with_ Jensen--and nothing outside of this room matters.

Jensen's mouth drifts back to Jared's and they kiss again, and it's wet and messy and Jared almost forgets his hands are practically down Jensen's pants until Jensen pushes against his chest, and they walk in a bizarre, twisted tango over to the bed. Jared's knees hit the edge first, and he practically falls backwards. Jensen straddles his hips, leans over, kisses him, and then his mouth leaves Jared's again, moves down, down, down his neck, ghosting over his chest, down to the little patch of skin just above his bellybutton (Jensen lifts his shirt just a little and the coolness of the air-conditioning after Jensen's lips leave almost shocks his bare skin), all while they both fumble with the buckle on Jared's belt and then the button on Jared's jeans. He lifts his hips without being asked when Jensen pulls his pants down, and he's only a little surprised when his dick is already half-hard. He closes his eyes and lets out a little yelp when Jensen takes it in his mouth. He hasn't gotten a blowjob since before he and Tracy got married, and he'd forgotten how much he loves the feeling in his toes and his sinuses, knowing that someone's mouth is going to get him off. His hips buck up, and Jensen slows down, both with his mouth and his hands. Jared twists his hands in the blanket beneath him and groans as his hips buck up again, and again, and he practically sits up when he comes, which clearly takes Jensen by surprise, because he pulls off with an obscenely wet noise and falls on his ass and coughs and chokes as Jared comes all over the floor and all over himself.

He barks "Shit!" just as Jensen cries "Sorry!" and the next ten minutes are spent trying to get still-warm semen off of Jared's jeans. Jared feels kind of useless, just standing there in his boxers and black socks, because the last time this happened to him, he was probably about seventeen. Jensen apparently has more experience, so Jared just watches him paw at the legs of his jeans. He almost regrets coming here at all until Jensen catches him staring.

"What?" Jensen asks, holding towel in one hand and a baby wipe in the other.

"Nothing," Jared says, shaking his head, "nothing."

Jensen makes an annoyed sound and continues scrubbing with the towel and the wipe alternately, while Jared paces around the room, catching little glances at Jensen. He still doesn't know what he feels, but he can safely rule out his previous anger, fear, and hatred, because none of those make you feel like you're watching a sunrise.

*

Jensen drives him back to his house, jeans still soggy with rubbing alcohol and flecks of come, and again, they don't say a word until Jensen pulls in the driveway. They turn to each other, and Jared impulsively cups Jensen's chin in his fingers and kisses him, but pulls away before they get stuck on each other.

"I'm not going to tell her," Jared says, touching his forehead to Jensen's.

"Yeah," Jensen breathes, eyes closed.

Jared sits up abruptly, smoothes out his shirt, opens the door. With one foot outside, he turns back to Jensen and says, "Give me a call next time you're in town."

Jensen makes a weird flicking motion in the air with two of his fingers (the ones with the nicotine stains that he's been pretending not to notice all night), takes in a sharp breath, and opens his eyes, all at once. "Yeah, okay. I see Jon again in two weeks."

Jared's out of the car and with his arms on the roof, so just his head is back inside. He thinks for a moment, then remembers what's so important about two weeks from now. "We're having a barbecue that Thursday."

"Oh," Jensen says flatly.

"I mean, you're invited," Jared blurts out.

Jensen turns to him and smiles sadly. "I'm not stupid, Jared, I know one blowjob can't fix seven years of distance."

"Okay, look," Jared says, shifting his weight on his feet, "I know, okay, but let's talk a few times between now and then if you're comfortable with it, you can come. Okay?"

Jensen rests his hand on his thigh and nods slowly. "Okay." Then, just as Jared is ducking out of the car, he says, "Jared?"

Jared ducks back in. "Yeah?"

"When did you turn into a grown-up? Last time I saw you, you thought spitballs were funny."

"When I had a kid," Jared says, "and I still think spitballs are funny." He smiles.

Jensen smiles back, a genuine, toothy smile. "I hear ya there," he says. "Talk to you soon."

"Good night," Jared says, and closes the car door.

Jensen waits for him to open the front door and for the turn-and-wave before he pulls out of the driveway. Jared watches the car putter down the street until he can't see it anymore, then steps inside his house. He leans against the door to shut it, slides down, and sits right there on the welcome mat. He scrubs a hand over his face, and decides to figure out what the hell he's going to do about this whole situation, this whole mess, this whole why-did-I-even-do-this tomorrow. For right now, there's a sticky note on the bottom of the railing of the staircase (he stands up and peels it off; it reads _went up to bed, t_ ), and so he goes up the stairs, acutely aware of how strange he feels in his own house.

He cracks the door open and even though he sees the light is on, he still says, "Babe, you awake?" He ignores the fact that every word feels heavy as it rolls off his tongue.

"Hey, honey," Tracy says, looking up from her book when he steps in the room and closes the door quietly behind him. He takes off his shirt and shoes and jeans (carefully making sure the stubborn flecks of come don't touch the carpet) and kneels on the bed and kisses Tracy the same way he kissed Jensen, open-mouthed, messy, deep. There's just a fire in his fingertips and he just needs to do something, anything sexual, and Jensen falling off his cock sort of killed any chance of that happening with him. So he tosses Tracy's book to the floor and holds one hand just under her breast and the other under her thigh and doesn't stop kissing her until she comes up for air.

"What was that for?" Tracy says, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

"No reason," Jared says, and kisses her again, lets his mouth travel down her body, the same way Jensen's did down his. He tries to push Jensen out of his mind, but it's nearly impossible, much harder than it was to push Tracy out, so he gives up as he ducks his head under his wife's nightgown and tugs at her panties, pulling them down all the way around her ankles, and licks the stripe of skin between her belly and her thigh. She _mmm_ s, and he licks the other side, and her hand goes in his hair. He spreads her knees and licks into her, tentatively, and when she moans, deep in her throat, he goes all in, with his teeth and everything, just the way she likes it, and the taste of her almost drowns out the gin lingering on the roof of his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOUNDTRACK  
> *title track: [Pearl Jam -- State of Love and Trust](http://www.box.net/shared/5nqmp3lhn6)  
> *driving to the bar: [Billie Myers -- Kiss the Rain](http://www.box.net/shared/3imuh1d6jh)  
> *in the bar: [Otis Redding -- Sitting on the Dock of the Bay](http://www.box.net/shared/dhlpfji3r0) | [Eric Clapton -- Layla (unplugged)](http://www.box.net/shared/d30i83mgxo) | [The Doors -- Break on Through](http://www.box.net/shared/ax408lbs19)  
> *Jensen/Jared at the hotel: [Nine Inch Nails -- The Beginning of the End](http://www.box.net/shared/n504tptq8f)  
> *Jared/Tracy at home: [Peter Gabriel -- Fourteen Black Paintings](http://www.box.net/shared/dr6cyav5gi)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen doesn't call until Wednesday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are 2 chapters of what was supposed to be an 8-chapter epic. It will probably never be finished. Apologies.

Jensen doesn't call until Wednesday. Tracy picks up the phone and talks and laughs for fifteen minutes as she's cooking dinner. Jared assumes it's one of her girlfriends until she calls him away from the baseball game he's not really paying attention to anyway and holds out the phone with her hand on the receiver.

"It's Jensen," she says, and something jumps in the pit of his stomach, because he'd nearly forgotten he was going to call at all.

They talk about nothing, really, just some reminiscing about The Show, but Jared can't stop grinning, even when he hangs up.

The fourth time Jensen calls, on Tuesday, Tracy's taking Mary to get her hair cut, so Jared lets the answering machine pick up. As soon as he hears Jensen's voice, he literally runs to the phone, sliding on his socks like an eighties movie. Jensen gets to say, "Hey, uh, Jared, it's--" before Jared grabs the receiver.

"Hey," he says, instead of hello, because they're buddies again, and buddies say hey when they know who's on the other end, especially when they're out of breath.

"You home alone?" Jensen asks, his voice suddenly low and gritty.

"Yeah," Jared says, giving up on catching his breath because Jensen's just going to take it away again if he keeps talking like that.

There's metallic _click_ and the sound of a tiny seal breaking. And then, rough with smoke, Jensen says, "I can't stop thinking about you, Jay."

Ten minutes later, Jared's on the living room floor, on his back with his fly down. Between gasps and moans and using the word "fuck" three times in one sentence, Jensen finally says yes, of course, he'll come to the barbeque, as if he needed convincing in the first place. (Jared's too caught up in rubbing that little patch of skin on his hip to mention that actually, yes, Jensen did need some convincing, and he decides it doesn't really matter anyway.)

*

On Thursday morning, Jensen calls, says he'll be later than he'd planned (two instead of one-thirty) and it's okay if he brings Jon with him, right? Jared says of course, it's fine, and tells Tracy only after he hangs up. She sighs and says okay and turns back to folding napkins.

As always, their End-of-Summer Barbecue is kind of a big deal. Almost everyone from the neighborhood is coming, plus Tracy's sisters and Jared's parents, who are coming in from L.A. and San Antonio, respectively. Jared hopes that Jensen will go unnoticed, but then he remembers that this is _Jensen_ he's talking about--Jensen, who can make heads turn just by clearing his throat the right way.

Jensen shows up at ten to two, when people are just starting to arrive. He apparently ignores the steady stream of people going straight to the backyard and rings the doorbell instead, because when Jared opens the door, there he is, in jeans and a well-loved Zeppelin t-shirt, plastic grocery bag in one hand and a little boy's hand in the other. "Hey," he says, grinning.

"Hey, Jensen," Jared says, a little flustered. Then, to the boy, "And you must be Jonathan."

"Jon," the kid says, in a voice that already sounds remarkably like Jensen's. He's got his father's eyes, too, and his nose. Clearly his mother's mouth, though.

"Sorry, Jon." Jared holds up one hand, trying to be playfully defensive, but Jon just stares back at him defiantly.

Jensen tugs on his son's hand. "Jon, this is my friend Jared. The one I was telling you about in the car."

"Oh," Jon says, scrunching his nose. He looks up at Jared and holds out a hand. "Nice to meet you, Jared."

Jared shakes his hand and makes an impressed face at Jensen, then straightens up and says, "Come in, the party's in the back."

Tracy comes into the foyer, a very sleepy Mary practically attached to the hem of her dress. "Hi, Jensen," she says, wiping her hands on a dish towel.

"Hey, Tracy," Jensen says, then looks down at Jon again, pointing at Tracy. "And that's Jared's wife, Tracy. And that," he says, peering around Tracy, "must be their daughter, Mary." He smiles and waves his fingers at her, but she promptly hides behind her mother.

"Oh, c'mon," Jared mumbles as he grabs his daughter and hoists her up onto his hip. Either she's getting heavy or he's getting old, or both, because his back just cracked. Loudly. He ignores it. "She's not usually this shy, she just woke up, right Mary-girl?" He kisses her temple and points at Jensen. "This is Daddy's friend, Jensen. We used to work together," he adds.

Jensen nods. "That we did." He tugs on Jon's hand again. "And this is my son, Jon. How old are you, Mary?"

"Five," Mary says, barely above a whisper, fingers in her mouth suddenly. Jared glances around and Tracy is nowhere to be found.

Jensen makes a surprised face. "Well, whaddaya know, Jon just turned six," he says.

Mary immediately relaxes in Jared's arms, so he puts her down. She holds on to the bottom Jared's short-leg, but he nudges her a little and says, "Why don't you two go play in the backyard?"

"Okay," Mary says, quietly. Jon lets go of Jensen's hand, finally, and starts walking over.

Jensen catches him, kneels down and holds his arms to his sides. "You know the rules, right?"

"No bread, no cookies, no cupcakes, even without frosting," Jon recites, as if he's done it a million times before.

"Good boy," Jensen says and pats Jon's arm, guiding him towards Mary, who turns around and leads him outside.

Jared watches both kids walk out the back door, then turns to Jensen with an eyebrow raised. "No cupcakes?"

Jensen shakes his head, switches the plastic bag from one hand to the other. "He has an allergic reaction whenever he eats 'em. His pediatrician thinks it might be a wheat allergy, but all I know is the poor kid can't eat birthday cake and it breaks my heart to see him at parties." He sighs and walks towards the refrigerator, holding the bag in front of him. "I need to give him this stuff if he has a reaction, and I know he will."

"Okay," Jared says, opens the fridge.

"He knows to come find me," Jensen says, putting the bag in a small empty space on the bottom shelf. "You don't have to worry."

"I wasn't worried," Jared says, realizing immediately that, in fact, he is worried, just a little.

Jensen looks up at him and smiles just as Tracy comes back in the room. "How are you, Tracy?" he asks, closing the refrigerator door and brushing his hands on his thighs.

"I'm all right," Tracy says, smiling wearily at him. "A little worn out, but I'm ready to party."

"You look great," Jensen says. "I mean, you're barely showing."

Tracy's eyes go wide, and then she glares at Jared, whose stomach drops to his knees.

"Oh, am I not supposed to know?" Jensen asks quickly. "Because I could not know. I'm good at not knowing things."

Still eyeing Jared, Tracy says, "No, no, we just--we haven't told anyone. It took us a long time to get to where we are this time and, well." She smirks at him and rearranges the little rolled-up pieces of ham and turkey on the plate in front of her.

Jensen waves a hand in front of his face. "Your secret is safe with me. Can I help you with anything?" he asks. Tracy asks him if he could carry this plate out back, and he says of course, he needs to check on his boy anyway. Jared doesn't move, just shifts his weight on his feet. Tracy turns to him, hand on one hip.

"You told him." It's not a question.

Jared scratches the back of his neck. "Yeah," he says, "yeah, I did. Sorry."

Tracy makes an annoyed sound, picks up a bowl of potato salad and carries it outside. She wordlessly passes Jensen, who's on his way back in, just as the doorbell rings again. Jared answers it, and it's his parents. They hug him and kiss him and tell him how tired he looks and hand over a big container of coleslaw. Tracy comes up behind him, all smiles and sunshine again, and tells his mother how wonderful she looks. It's all very pleasant until Daddy notices the awkward forty-something standing in the living room, scratching one ankle with the toe of his shoe like a teenager meeting the parents of his first girlfriend.

"Jensen," Jared's father says, walking towards him. "What a surprise." And he holds out a hand. Jensen shakes it, and they smile warmly at each other.

"Yeah, I--I was in town for the weekend and, uh, Jay invited me." He looks genuinely happy to see Daddy, and Jared's glad for it, until Mama speaks.

"Oh?" she says, crossing her arms. "What brings you to San Diego?"

"My son," Jensen says, matter-of-factly. "He just moved here with his mother."

"Ah, I see," she says, looking around. "Is he here?"

"Yes, he's playing with Mary in the back," Jared interjects, saving Jensen from what would almost certainly turn out to be humiliation.

"Oh, where is my little cherub?" she exclaims. She takes off her purse and hands it to Jared, who quietly asks Jensen to put it in the guest room in the back. Jensen nods, and Jared walks his parents out to the backyard. Mary, definitely awake now, bounds over, leaving Jon playing with a handful of neighborhood boys who have shown up with their parents. She gets scooped up in her grandpa's arms, and then Tracy comes out with a dish of Mama's coleslaw. She tells Jared the meat is out on the counter; any time he wants to start grilling is fine by her. He nods and goes inside, only to find Jensen lingering in the hallway outside of the living room, with a purse clutched in both of his hands.

"What?" Jared asks, turning away before anyone who might be in the house notices he's staring. (There are at least a few soccer moms having a drink, scattered near the doorway from the living room to the kitchen, and he doesn't even want to know who else is around.)

He can hear Jensen's sneakers squeaking on the wood floor. "I don't know where the guest room is."

Jared looks up at him, and he's smirking that stupid smirk that Jared just can't say no to, so he puts an arm around Jensen's shoulder and escorts him down the hallway.

"Jared!" Tracy's voice says from the living room.

"I'm just showing Jensen around the house!" he calls back. "We'll get cooking in a minute." He gets no response, but he can almost hear Tracy controlling the urge to stomp away.

"You guys okay?" Jensen asks, eyeing Jared a little warily.

"Yeah, today's just a stressful day, you know?" he says. It slides off his tongue like oil, and he's fairly sure Jensen knows it's a lie. "And here," Jared says before Jensen can do anything more than nod, "is the guest room." He gestures at the door in front of them, which he then opens.

"So it is," Jensen says, stepping into the room. "You mind showing me around?"

"Sure," Jared says, glancing behind him and seeing no one, then shuts the door behind them. He hears the purse land on the bed and he's about to say something when Jensen pushes him up against the door and presses their mouths together in a messy, wet, sloppy kiss. He pauses, just for a breath, and then kisses Jensen back, tongue and lips and teeth clashing together, and Jensen's hands go up his shirt. Jared lets one hand rest on Jensen's shoulder and the other slip underneath the collar of his shirt, rubbing gently along his spine, and the kiss goes on and on and on. Jensen's breath comes out of his nose in little warm puffs on Jared's cheek, and his leg is creeping up Jared's thigh. Jensen pulls away first.

"I've dreamed about doing that," he gasps blissfully, eyes closed. "I've dreamed about it for two weeks. Fuckin' hell."

"Yeah," Jared says, suddenly breathless. "Yeah." But then he shakes his head and remembers where he is. "I need to go cook," he says, hands still lingering on Jensen's arm and spine.

"Okay," Jensen whispers to Jared's chin. "Okay." His hands leave cool spots on Jared's back when he steps away.

"You can help, of course," Jared says, opening the door behind him without turning around. Jensen smirks at him again, and he's sold.

They grill together, switching off for every other batch of burgers. Jared stands to the side and drinks beer while Jensen cooks, and when it's Jared's turn, Jensen smokes out of one side of his mouth and munches on carrot sticks and potato chips out of the other, perched on the little stool Tracy uses to weed the garden on Saturday mornings. They talk, a little about their kids, a little about Jensen's desire to get back into acting, but mostly about nothing, and it feels like they've been friends all the while, that those seven years were just a fleeting moment, that this is how life has always been. Jared introduces Jensen to almost everyone who comes by, and they all eye him a little warily until he points out his son, and then they coo over how much he looks like his father, and Jensen smiles proudly and everyone forgets why they've never seen him at Jared's house before.

At some point after Mama and Daddy (and most of the neighbors, for that matter) have gone home, Jensen says he's going to bring Jon a burger and then say hello to the few people he hasn't seen yet, and Jared lets him. He's a big boy, after all, and he can take care of himself. Jared stacks the last few burgers and buns, shuts off the grill and heads inside. Tracy catches him by the elbow on the way, and stands up on her tiptoes and kisses him.

"I love you," she says, barely above a whisper, without opening her eyes.

"You too," Jared says, and then she's walking off again. He smiles after her until he catches Jensen's eye--the look on his face is almost physically painful and Jared can't really take it, so he turns around and goes in the house. He's washing his hands when he hears someone yelling in the backyard and cranes his neck to see out the back door, and then he hears glass breaking and runs outside.

He was just out there, saw everyone laughing and having a good time, so he really has no idea what could be happening or between whom, until he sees Jensen holding a hand to his cheek and someone holding back Mike, the biggest and scariest of Tracy's brothers-in-law.

"What the hell is going on here?" Jared asks, stepping into the empty space in the circle that's formed around the two of them. Jensen's eye is all red, and Mike looks like he could rip someone (probably Jensen) apart with his bare hands.

"This little bastard," Mike says, pointing to Jensen, "had the nerve to show up, so I decked 'im."

"Mike!" Tracy says, coming up behind him. "Jared invited him! What do you think you're doing?"

Mike's eyes go wide all of a sudden. "Jesus, I'm sorry."

"The name's Jensen," Jensen says, feebly, sitting down and trying to open his jaw. Jared kneels down next to him. He's going to have a nasty black eye, but he'll live.

"Mommy, what's happening?" Mary says behind him. Jared doesn't turn around, but he knows she's tugging on Tracy's skirt.

"Uncle Mike just got a little angry, honey, everything's okay. Why don't you go play with your cousins, okay?"

And then, accompanied by little clomping feet on the patio stones: "Dad!"

"Hey, Jon," Jensen says, wincing slightly as Jared touches the newly-formed bruise.

"Dad, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Jensen says. "Go play with the other kids, I'm just going to clean myself up." He stands up, pressing his fingers to his cheekbone.

"I'll help you," Jared says, holding Jensen by the elbow. Then, to Tracy, in a whisper, "You go calm down your family." She sighs, but doesn't complain.

"I'm not ninety," Jensen growls, shaking his arm free.

"Jen, you just got socked in the _eye_. I'm worried about you walking into walls, okay?"

Jensen makes a sound of contempt, but as soon as he nearly trips stepping up into the house, he concedes and lets Jared lead him around. They make it to the bathroom, and Jensen sits on the closed toilet, holding his head in his hands. "I'm sorry," he says.

 

"What're you sorry for?" Jared says as he searches for rubbing alcohol and cotton balls.

"I shouldn't have come. This was a mistake."

Jared kneels down again, so he's eye level with the top of Jensen's head, and puts his hand on Jensen's knee. "Hey, I wanted you to be here. If anything, I should be apologizing."

Jensen looks up. His mouth is drawn and his eye looks awful.

Jared doesn't say anything, just wets the cotton ball down and dabs at the cut just above Jensen's eyebrow. Jensen hisses at him. "Sorry," Jared says, reflexively.

Jensen's mouth tugs itself into a smile. "I deserved it, I suppose. I only ruined his sister-in-law's wedding."

"I'm going to get you some ice," Jared says, a little too loudly, a little too abruptly. "There's bandages under the sink."

He walks down the hall and almost straight into a little person coming the other way, and it takes him a second before he realizes it's Jensen's son, rubbing his eye and looking miserable. He bends over.

"Hey, Jon, you okay?"

"Where's my dad?" Jon says, looking down.

"He's in the bathroom right there," Jared says, pointing to the door. "But he's just fine, Jon, you don't have to worry."

"I don't feel good," Jon whines. "I want Mommy."

Jensen's come out into the hallway at this point and kneels down next to Jon. "Hey, hey," he says, soothingly, one hand on his son's arm and the other on his belly. "Did you eat something you weren't supposed to?"

Jon nods.

"What was it?"

"Everybody else was--"

"Jon, you are not everybody else, okay?" Jensen says sternly. "You have to be careful. You know that."

After a moment, Jon says, "Are you mad at me?"

Jensen sighs, pats his son's arm gently. "No, no. Buddy, I'm not mad at you, okay? C'mon." He stands up, takes Jon's hand, leads him to the bathroom. He turns back to Jared. "Hey, could you, uh, get that bag from the fridge?"

"Yeah, of course," Jared says, and Jensen thanks him. He gets a plastic bag and puts some ice in it, then grabs Jensen's bag from the bottom shelf. Tracy tries to catch his attention, but he's so focused on getting back to Jensen and his son that he barely even hears her, and says he'll be right back.

Jon's sitting on the edge of the tub, and Jensen's kneeling next to him, wiping down a little spot on Jon's thigh with a cotton ball.

"This is what you need?" Jared says, thrusting the bag at them.

"Yeah, thanks," Jensen says, and rummages inside it until it pulls out a little syringe. He looks over at Jon while he attaches the needle. "You mind if Jared's here? I could ask him to leave."

Jon shakes his head. "'Sokay," he says, so Jared stays, standing there dumbly, even though the bag of ice is making his hands cold.

"You ready?" Jensen says. Jon nods and looks away. "Okay, 1, 2--" Jensen sticks him with the needle and gives him the shot "--3. All done." He covers the spot with a cotton ball and tells Jon to hold it there while he cleans up. Jensen puts the needle from the syringe into a plastic container and wraps everything back up in the bag. Then, to Jared, "You have, uh, anywhere we can sit? That's not made of porcelain?" He smirks, and Jared smirks back.

"As long as he's not gonna puke on my rug."

Jensen shrugs. "I make no guarantees." Then, standing up and holding out his hand to Jon, "C'mon little man." Jon takes it and they all go into the living room. Jon practically crawls up onto the couch and Jensen kneels down in front of him so they're face to face, telling him he's going to be okay, stroking his hair just a little. It's a moment that Jared wants to burn in his brain forever, because never in a million years would he ever, ever have thought of Jensen as a father, let alone a good father.

And that, he realizes later, that is the moment he fell in love with Jensen Ackles.

But right now his hands are almost numb from still holding that bag of ice, so at the risk of being rude, he clears his throat. Jensen turns around. He holds out the bag. Jensen raises an eyebrow.

"For your eye," Jared says stupidly.

"Oh, thanks," Jensen says, and takes it from him.

Jared can see Tracy trying to catch his eye from the kitchen, so he asks Jensen if he's still needed.

"I think we're under control," Jensen says, sitting on the couch, holding the ice up to his face and pulling out his phone. He looks up and smiles. "Thanks, Jay."

"Yeah, no problem," Jared says a little breathlessly. He doesn't really want to leave, but this isn't his family and Tracy's about to have a conniption if he doesn't come help her.

He puts Mary to bed, and after twenty minutes of stacking dishes and stealing glances into the living room, the doorbell rings. Tracy wipes her hands down and answers it. "Can I help you?" she says, suspiciously, and Jared throws down the clump of plastic forks in his hand to go see what's up.

There's a woman standing in the doorway--short, blonde, very pretty and very pregnant. There's a tall, intimidating-looking man standing behind her. Tracy is surveying the pair when the woman says, "I'm, uh, Jon's mom?"

Jensen emerges from the living room, sticking his head out with almost comedic timing. "Tara!" he says, sounding overly relieved. He walks over to her, and she steps inside the house. He takes her hands, and they kiss on both cheeks. Jensen turns. "Jared, Tracy, this is Jon's mom, Tara, and her fiance, Ben." He waves at the man. "Hey, Ben."

Ben nods politely, but doesn't say a word and stays outside.

Tara smiles genuinely and nods at Jared and Tracy. "Nice to finally meet you," she says. "Jensen told me you lived in the neighborhood."

Jon comes reluctantly out of the living room, dragging his feet and rubbing his eye. Jensen hurries over to him, guides him gently towards his mother with a hand on his back. Jon grabs on to one of her legs and she ruffles his hair, leans over to him.

"Why don't you get in the car with Ben, okay, honey?" She kisses the top of her son's head and scoots him off to his soon-to-be stepfather. Ben scoops him up and carries him outside with only a _c'mon, bud_. The car starts up a moment later.

"Thanks for coming," Jensen says sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. "Sorry I had to call you."

"No, no, you did exactly the right thing, Jen. Thank you." And she kisses his cheek. Then, to Jared and Tracy, "I'm sorry to impose on you like this--"

"You're not imposing," Jared blurts out, and Tracy shoots him a momentary glare before smiling politely at Tara.

"Well," Tara says after an awkward moment, "I should be going, don't want to keep the boys waiting." Then, to Jensen, "I'll see you at ten, then?"

"Yep," Jensen says with a nod, "Ten o'clock sharp."

"All right, hopefully with a night's sleep in him, he'll be himself again." She goes for the door, and when she's halfway out, she calls back, "It was nice meeting you!"

"You too!" Jared calls as the screen door closes itself slowly. Tracy goes back into the kitchen without a word, and Jared just stands there next to Jensen for what seems like forever before Jensen speaks.

"I should get going, too," he says. "Unless you need me." He sounds almost hopeful, but not quite.

"No, I think, um, I think we're good," Jared says, a little too loudly. Then, in a near-whisper, "I'll, uh, walk you out. Just lemme get your bag for you."

"Yeah, thanks, I'll need it tomorrow," Jensen says, and sticks his hands in his pockets, shifts his weight to his back foot.

Jared whisks into the kitchen, grabs the bag out of the fridge, tells Tracy he's seeing Jensen out. She _mmmhmmm_ s him and continues loading the dishwasher with platters and mugs. He has a feeling they're not going to talk much for the rest of the night, and that makes him feel like he's going to explode. He walks back into the foyer in a few swift steps, and shoves the bag at Jensen. "C'mon," he says, and grabs Jensen's hand.

"Good night, Tracy!" he calls as Jared drags him outside. Tracy says something back that could be _good night_ or could be _go to hell_ , Jared's not really sure. It doesn't matter at this point.

Jensen parked down the block a ways, in between streetlights. Jared all but holds his breath. Jensen gets in his rental car--another sedan, this one newer and jet black, save for a few paint chips near the wheel wells--and Jared opens the passenger door without asking.

Flustered, Jensen starts, "What are you--"

"Get in the goddamn car," Jared says through his teeth. And as soon as they're both in, with the doors locked and the windows closed and the plastic bag safely in the back seat, Jared grabs the back of Jensen's neck and forces their mouths together. It's messy and painful and awkward, but he doesn't care, because Jensen tastes like charcoal and Coke, and soon they're kissing like proper human beings instead of suction cups or starfish. Jensen's hand rests tentatively on Jared's jawline, and if there weren't a gearshift in the way, Jared would climb on top of him right the fuck now. Unfortunately--or maybe fortunately, since it's not impossible to see in the windshield from outside, after all--he has to stop instead. Jensen's breathing is wispy and almost desperate, and it makes the back of Jared's throat ache.

"What the hell was that for?" Jensen finally asks between breaths.

He swallows, opens his eyes. "Dunno," he says weakly. "Just knew I had to do it."

"We can't keep doing this," Jensen says, sounding steadier by the word. "You're going to have to tell her."

"Not yet," Jared says, only now realizing that his hand is still resting on Jensen's knee. "Not when I don't even know what this is yet."

Jensen sighs wordlessly, turning to face forward in the car.

"I'll call you," Jared says without looking at him, and gets out of the car.

"Okay," Jensen says quietly. Then, just as Jared's about to close the door, "Jay!"

He sticks his head back in the car. "Yeah?"

Jensen smiles a little. "Thanks for inviting me."

"Yeah," Jared mutters. "G'night, Jen."

"Night," Jensen says, and starts up the car.

Jared slams the door shut, and by the time he gets back in the house, Jensen's all the way down the block, but that ache in the back of his throat just will not go away. He helps Tracy finish cleaning up without saying more than five words to her, and lets her go to bed first, saying he'll stay up with their temperamental dishwasher. He ends up sleeping on the couch, with reruns of some sitcom playing silently on the TV, and when he wakes up, it's to Mary tugging on his belt loops and asking for pancakes. He says nothing when Tracy comes downstairs and tells him he looks too happy, because explaining the thoughts in his head about Jensen right now won't do him any good. At all. He flips the second batch of pancakes, and sighs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOUNDTRACK  
> *at the barbecue: [The Allman Brothers Band -- Ramblin' Man](http://www.box.net/shared/yqqx12nuyi)


End file.
